Today’s guest post is by my sister, Alex Bonvechio. It’s made me so proud to watch Alex embrace the sport of powerlifting to the point that training has gone from something she HAS to do to something she WANTS to do. She’s become truly engaged in the process of training and offers some wisdom for how to get there yourself. Enjoy!
If you clicked on this because you thought I was gifted a shiny rock, sorry to disappoint. But props to Tony for unintentionally setting me up in a squat rack at CSP earlier this year.
The title is referring to engagement as a way of being greatly interested and fully committed as it relates to lifting, fitness and other life things. Most people have experienced the “hate it but need it” relationship with fitness at some point in their lives. They force themselves to exercise because they know they should. When the routine gets hard, they lose interest and break the commitment.
That was me, over and over. I’d stick with something for 3 weeks, miss a week, then spend the next 2 weeks beating myself up for being so lazy and sucking at “fitness”. This cycle plagues people, even ones I personally know to be motivated and hard working. Maybe we need to stop labeling ourselves as lazy and spend our efforts finding something we like better.
A run in with a girl at the gym the other day reminded me how far I’ve come. It felt like I was talking to my old self. She was struggling with band assisted pull-ups. Curious how her pull-up ability measured up, she asked me how many unassisted pull-ups I could do. I replied, “somewhere close to 10.” Her response was, “Well, you really care about fitness, and I don’t. I’m only doing this because I need to and I should be.”
I was initially blown away, like, girl, did you just hear yourself? Then I stopped and realized that I had a similar mindset not too long ago. When you are doing something because of the “need to” rather than the “want to”, it’s easy to have low standards, low expectations, and accept low performance.
It was a proud moment when this girl acknowledged I really care about being strong. I just hope she didn’t assume I was born with “the lifting bug” or a “passion for fitness”. I could not do one unassisted pull-up when I started. I still kinda hate pull-ups.
It is never safe to assume that any person who is lean, jacked, or good at pull-ups was just born with it. Becoming engaged in fitness took a lot of work for me, specifically showing up 4 times per week and performing modified movements until I was strong enough to do the real thing (think box squats and band assisted pull-ups). It required awkwardly asking strangers for help, looking stupid, and sometimes doing exercises wrong.
But there were little rewards all along the way. Finding the engagement is the first step to sticking to something and making progress. I’m convinced I never stuck with running, spinning, or Insanity because I never had that emotional connection, like the “Aha!” moment when I deadlifted 225 for the first time.
There seems to be something emotional that switches people from the “need to” to the “want to” in training. The treadmills, elliptical and work out tapes do it for some people. They weren’t a good fit for me, and that’s OK! One of my favorite articles is a short piece by Greg Robins titled, “You Don’t Have to Do This.” It is a gentle reminder to powerlifters to be mindful of their intensions, motivations, and reasons for lifting heavy weights. If you find that you are forcing any certain type of fitness on yourself, step back and ask yourself if there could be a better way. It doesn’t have to suck and you don’t have to hate it.
The assisted pull-up girl from the gym was onto something. She acknowledged that her health is important; therefore her doing something is better than her doing nothing. What I wish I would have told her is that she always has a choice. If she truly hates it, she can move on and try something else. If she wants to get strong but is put off by the fact she’s not good at pull-ups right now, she needs to put her head down and do the work. We all have a weakness.
Obvious bias here, but I have seen tremendous success in women of all varieties “just trying” powerlifting and Strongman style training, and falling head over heels. They discover a sense of community, and find the weekly lifting sessions to be an outlet, rather than a chore. Confidence and muscle are gained, while body fat and body image complexes are shattered.
Mindset success from finding your ideal healthy outlet can boil over and shake up other parts of your life for the better. Moving on in search of something more rewarding, fulfilling and engaging is not the same as failing. Lifting has challenged my perspective on so many things. When I realized I was capable of turning something I dreaded into something I looked forward to, I started to realize my power.
If a job, school, relationship, or diet is causing more stress than engagement, consider the choices. If you want to eat clean but you hate kale, you don’t have to eat kale. If you want slim down but you hate running, you don’t have to run. You don’t even have to squat! But you have to do something. A good coach places a priority on creating a program that will engage full circle, usually with a supportive community of like-minded people around you. A powerful mindset and understanding your own level of engagement can help fight the daily blahs to achieve a happier, stronger life.
About the Author
Alex Bonvechio (@biggie_802) is a Suffolk University graduate, and works as a data analyst for a tech company. When she’s not crunching numbers, you can find her smashing weights in any of her favorite gyms around Boston. With 4 powerlifting meets under her belt since 2014, she recently totaled 750 at 148 lbs. Alex’s goals include inspiring women who are uninspired with fitness to try powerlifting, and to someday compete at the Arnold Classic.
