“A rising tide lifts all boats.”
– John F. Kennedy
Fitness is a personal journey. Until it’s not.
Somewhere along the line, your efforts will intermingle with the efforts of others. You’ll notice the progress (or lack thereof) of someone close to you. And others will notice YOUR progress (or lack thereof). And so begins the poisonous act of comparing yourself to others.
Don’t get me wrong, I think competition is a great thing. But in almost any sporting event, especially individual sports like powerlifting, you can only control your own performance. You can’t do anything to make your competition worse. You can only make yourself better. You can’t lift yourself up by bringing others down.
My good friend Jessie Burdick wrote a great blog about this topic last week called Comparison is the Thief of Joy, and she’s partially the inspiration for this post. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I see this type of thinking all the time. Between running a small business with a handful of local competitors, and coaching dozens of lifters and athletes whose individual success often equals the failure of others (i.e. any and all team sports where both teams can’t win), I see how others constantly compare themselves to others and secretly wish for others to fail so that they can reign supreme.
But here’s the thing: you can’t control if others succeed or fail. You can only control if YOU put yourself in the position to succeed.
Unfortunately, many people waste their time and energy wishing that others would fail so they’d feel better about their own failures. Here’s why that doesn’t work.
Don’t Fire the Chef
Imagine this: you go to the best steakhouse in your city. You and your partner dress up all fancy, and even take an Uber so you can share a couple nice bottles of wine. The server comes to take your order, and you’ve had your eye on the bone-in rib eye since the moment you opened the menu.
Then the server delivers the bad news: they’re sold out of the rib eye.
You look around at the tables next to you. You see several people slicing through their juicy, tender rib eye, perfectly seared and covered in a velvety butter sauce. Imagine if you went around to each table and chucked their rib eyes on the floor. You can’t have it, so why should they all get to eat it?
Unfortunately, the rib eyes are on the floor and not in your belly. Problem NOT solved.
Because you’re not a petulant child, you move on. You order the next best thing: a pan-seared sirloin. But it comes with caramelized onions, and you’re allergic to onions. Not deathly allergic, but enough that a pile of them could quickly end any hopes of a romantic after-dinner rendezvous. So you ask the server for no onions.
Finally, the food arrives. The steak looks amazing. Crispy sear on the outside and perfectly medium rare on the inside. The first bite melts in your mouth. A few minutes later, however, your stomach begins to rumble – and not in a good way. You call the server over and ask if they remembered to omit the onions.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” he gasps. “I think there might be onions in the sauce.”
The churning in your gut confirms your fears. There were most definitely onions in that sauce.
Now imagine after your hurried trip to the bathroom that you called out the manager and demanded that they fire the server that messed up your order AND the chef that didn’t omit the onions. Certainly you deserve justice after having your romantic dinner ruined.
But would firing the server fix your upset stomach? Would firing the chef rekindle the romantic spark with which the night started?
Two Wrongs =/= Right
Remember when you were a kid and your mom and dad told you two wrongs don’t make a right?
That’s what you’re hoping for when you’re not doing so well and you wish others weren’t doing well either. You know, just to make yourself feel better.
You’re in a strength slump but your training partner keeps hitting PRs left and right? Their progress isn’t stopping you from getting stronger.
Hit a plateau on your weight loss journey but your friend is still shedding pounds every week? Sneaking Oreos into their protein shake won’t make YOU any slimmer.
A competing business opened across town and stole some clients? Don’t set the building on fire, Milton. Figure out what YOU can do better to keep growing.
Warning: Motivational Quotes
Everybody loves cheesy motivational quotes, so here you go. A couple quotes to remember when you’re whining about somebody doing better than you.
Do you get frustrated? Or do you get fascinated?
Success leaves clues. If someone has what you want, find out how they got it. Study their methods, hire the same coach, or straight up ask for their help.
Do you get bitter? Or do you get better?
Chances are someone who’s got it better than you had nothing to do with you NOT getting what you want. They didn’t tell you to skip the gym, stray from your diet or go to bed too late. Don’t point the finger at an innocent person.
Don’t WISH for others to have less. Instead, WORK so you can have more.
George Herbert said, “The sweetest revenge is living well.” So to really get back at your competition, don’t wish poorly upon them. Rather, work so hard that you get exactly what you want. The work will keep you occupied, and when you get what you want, you’ll realize how silly you were to waste precious energy sending bad vibes their way.